JERRY KAPLAN – BIKINI INSPECTOR
by Scare4irony
Summary: AKA: FAKE ID'S FOR DUMMIES. Samuel Cole, Agents Ford and Hamill, Agents Angus and Young, Detective Turner, Mr Raimi, Agent Shaw, Eddie Moscone, Agent Copeland - most of them are based on real people, and most of them have been on a fake ID.


AN: Here we go, new story, I've been reading stories with a recurring theme of pretty much 'hunting/hunters for dummies, an idiot's guide to hunting' or any combination here of and others. Thanks Spontaneity for letting me do this even though the deadline was ages ago.

_CHALLENGE ISSUED BY: Spontaneity  
LENGTH: 700 words (no more, no less)  
TOPIC: FAKE ID'S...For Dummies  
_

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JERRY KAPLAN - BIKINI INSPECTOR (FAKE ID'S FOR DUMMIES)**

"_Okay so there are a couple of thing we need you to fix up in the 'Winchester Gospel', since you said that it would be an instruction manual." Dean shook his head, mumbling 'poor bastards' as he paced the length of the room. _

"_The hunting stuff is all pretty much correct," Sam added, crossing his arms over his chest. _

_Castiel looked apprehensive with the brothers' twin looks. _

"_But you need to fix the minor details... _

_**Fake ID's:**_

Fake ID's are an integral part of a hunter's arsenal. They're one of the more subtle weapons against the supernatural...and general law enforcement. Oh and credit cards help a lot too, so you might wanna fake name them as well – but we're talking fake ID's.

Make sure they've been made out of good quality plastics. Make sure the parts also stick together; no splitting in the corners. Remember fellow hunters, we're professionals! Personally, I'd like to include a photo with a strong 'blue steel' look about it. The 'blue steel' look is very popular with the women and in the sad case of Sam, men as well.

"_Dean!" _

_"Ow!" Dean yelped as Castiel sat on the bed and continued, furiously typing away on Sam's laptop. "Continuing my previous ideas..._

Always get them done in a good professional looking place as well: no creepy, back alley, tattooed, long bearded men with dark shades and guns holstered in the waistband of their jeans. If you ever meet one of them, smile innocently and RUN!

"_Sam, remember: no muscle men. I don't give a crap how drunk you were while looking for a cheap ID." _

_Uncomfortably Sam stepped forward. "Maybe I should take it from here."_

The names should so believable first. So never put a name down like...Weirdy McWeirderson.

_Sam pointedly looked at Dean who shrugged. "You know that old lady felt so sorry for me she started calling me Jetson?" Dean laughed. "It was the name of her dead lover!" _

_Shrugging Dean said, "Old ladies like you." _

Anything too cultural or ethnic will make others suspicious of you as well – for this example we are venturing over to credit cards, which as mentioned before, is different to fake ID's and the principle is harder to uphold. Everyone sees you ID and if you have an ethnic name, they will question you when your photo doesn't match. Credit cards don't matter because they don't have photos.

Although, when you present the credit card and you have a name like Daniel Wong, or Hector Aframian, people will question you because you don't look Turkish and I sure as hell I don't look Chinese.

"_Do I, Dean?" Sam added sternly. _

_Dean smirked. "That's rather debatable, but I'm gonna have to go with no." Castiel continued to type, pausing to spell Aframian. "A.F.R.A.M.I.A.N. I'll never know what Dad was thinking," he shuddered. _

Now, here is an important thing about fake ID's. I stress, it is _important. _I don't care how old or outdated it is but under strict circumstances, the names of any members of rock bands both past and present should _never_ be used when finding a suitable name for one's fake ID. Unfortunately, Dean believes that he is the only one with cassette tapes and rock music blaring in his ears night and day, but the reality is, he isn't. There is a serious chance that you will be given the 'I-don't-believe-you-but-really?' look, when presenting your ID to one with an extensive knowledge of Led Zeppelin.

"_Only one freaking time Sammy!" _

"_I think we've covered pretty much everything." Sam smiled. _

"_Hold up, just something I want to add." _

When presenting your ID's to law enforcement, it's good to be confident, it shows you're a part of them...and it helps to hold the damn card the right way up.

"_Understand me, Cas?" Castiel grinned sheepishly._

_Sam's eyes suddenly darkened slightly, motioning Castiel to type his words..._

Oh and before I forget, when receiving your ID check for mistakes or sibling stupidity. Unless you have one, pictures should be moustache free and Bikini Inspector is not a job. Such occurrence will cause you to be laughed at and/or temporarily locked up.

"_The world's going to end," Castiel muttered._

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AN: If any of you want to give me a challenge let me know and I'll see if I can do you justice. Hope you enjoyed this, thanks MissMe113 for beta-ing it. Leave me reviews :D Scare4irony


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